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Invisible Disease

Prof2 (1 of 1)
Having an invisible illness is a strange thing – the way I feel on the inside and the way I look on the outside couldn’t be more different.

Looking at myself in photos now is an oddly jarring experience. I desperately fight my way through each day, wading through deep treacle barely keeping my head above the surface. I must look completely awful, my face and body showing just how shattered I feel.

And then I see a photo of myself from that day and I look..normal.

In a way it’s great that what’s happening inside doesn’t always show, but sometimes I wish it did. Maybe people would be a bit more understanding, sympathetic, and there’d be less of the ‘You really don’t look sick at all’ type of comments.

I know people mean well when they say those things, but it always feels a bit undermining. My body is fighting a war with itself – what difference does it make if I don’t look sick? I guess it makes it easier for them if they can’t see what’s happening.

My referral to meet with a surgeon (set for mid-June) arrived in the mail today – I have a lot of soul searching to do before then, because I’m still convinced I don’t want to go down that path…

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